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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Old Story: A Brand New Woe


Every time your name
Appear on my AIM
Yeah, I get flamed,
All the way exclaimed!
We talk for hours
About things that’s ours
About our dream,
And what makes us scream.

Thoughts scatter when we natter
When matter gets bitter
Life goes harder
Days get tougher
Dreams go fader
People flee farther,
When they said “Later”
You came nearer
Held me closer
Led me safer

You stood by me
Brighter, than stars could ever be
Finer, than what eyes could ever see
Beautiful, she’s always glee
I’m addicted! Girl, now I plea
Will do anything to have more of thee

When you are here,
I find peace, I swear
My fears, I no longer care
When you leave my heart tear
So bad none can repair
Tears will get me nowhere
Can’t believe life is so unfair

Our silence
With love’s essence
Forever will be my soul’s cadence
Love, said not even once
But felt every instance

Everywhere I see your semblance
I still long for your presence
I’m nothing in your absence
You are my brand new woe
My life is outta all glow
It keep sending me blow
Now I'm feeling low
Lemme me smoke it off slow
Till the day I sink below



I still wake up dreaming...the scary kinds :(

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

സ്വപ്നമെന്ന യാഥാര്‍ത്ഥ്യം [Dream Called Reality - The Origin of Romantic Literature: A (Not so)Intelligent Study]

സ്വപ്നമെന്ന യാഥാര്‍ത്ഥ്യം

(പ്രണയ സാഹിത്യ സൃഷ്ടികളുടെ ഉത്പത്തി: ഒരു ബുദ്ധി(യില്ല)ജീവി പഠനം)


ഉണരുമ്പോൾ തീർന്നു പോവുന്ന ഒരു സുന്ദര സ്വപ്‌നമാണ് പ്രണയം. കലുഷുതമായ ജീവിതത്തിൽ ശാന്തമായ നിദ്രയുടെ അനുഭൂതിപോലെയാണ് അത് കടന്നുവരുന്നത്. ചിലനേരം രണ്ടു വാക്ക് കുത്തിക്കുറിക്കുമ്പോൾ അതിൽ നഷ്ടത്തിന്റെ നൊമ്പരം അല്ലെങ്കിൽ കണ്ണീരിന്റെ നീറും നനവ് താനേ വന്ന് ചേരുന്നതിന്റെ കാരണം തിരക്കി അധികമൊന്നും പോകണ്ട കാര്യം ഇല്ല എന്ന് എനിക്ക് തോന്നി. കാരണം ഞാൻ എഴുതുന്നത് ചിലത് മറക്കാൻ വേണ്ടിയാണു മറ്റു ചിലപ്പോൾ എഴുതുന്നത് ചിലരെ ഓർമിക്കാനും. എല്ലാവരുടെയും കാരണം അതാവണം എന്നുമില്ല.

പെണ്ണുങ്ങൾ തേച്ചിട്ടുപോകുമ്പോൾ മാത്രം കൃത്യമായി കാമുകഹൃദയത്തിനുള്ളിൽ ഉണരുന്ന പാതിമരിച്ച കവിഹൃദയത്തിൽ ആവശ്യത്തിൽ കൂടുതൽ ഉപമയും ഉത്പ്രേഷയും പിന്നെ പേരറിയാത്ത കുറേ അൽക്കുലുത്ത് ഗഡ്ബഡുകളും കുത്തിത്തിരുകി കവിഭാവനയുടെ പേരിൽ കാക്കയെയും പൂച്ചയെയും മാത്രമല്ല തേങ്ങയെയും മാങ്ങയെയുമായിവരെ ആ മഹതിയുടെ കാർകൂന്തൽ, നെറ്റി, അതിൽ ഒട്ടിച്ച പൊട്ട്, പൊട്ടില്ലെങ്കിൽ ചന്ദനക്കുറി, കണ്ണ്‍, മൂക്ക്, ചെവി, മുഖത്ത് അവളുപോലും കണ്ടിട്ടില്ലാത്ത നുണക്കുഴി, ചുണ്ട്, അതിന്റെ താഴെ ഇല്ലാത്ത മറുക് ഇത്യാദിയെ (പിന്നെ അതിനും താഴേക്ക്‌ ചിന്തകൾ സ്വാഭാവികമായി പോകുന്നുണ്ടെകിലും ആരെങ്കിലും അബദ്ധത്തിൽ ഇത് വായിച്ചാലോ എന്നു പേടിച്ചു ഞാനാ മറുകിൽ പിടിച്ചു നിർത്തുന്നു) നിർദാഷണ്യം ബന്ദിപ്പിചു എന്തോരം ചിറകൊടിഞ്ഞക്കിനാവുകളാ നിമിഷം തോറും കവിതയായും കഥയായും ഉണ്ടാവുന്നതു, അഥവാ ഉണ്ടാക്കപ്പെടുന്നത്‌.

ചിലർ അങ്ങനെയാണ് ജീവിതത്തിൽ നിന്ന് അകന്ന് ഇല്ലാതെ ആകുമ്പോളാണ് മുന്പത്തെതിനെക്കാൾ ഏറേ ചിലതിനെ സ്പർശിക്കുന്നത്‌. "ഇല്ല! എന്റെ ഹൃദയത്തെ ആരും സ്പർശിച്ചിട്ടില്ല" എന്നൊക്കെ ഈ 'സാഹിത്യ-രമണന്മാർ' വീരവാദം പറഞ്ഞാൽ വിശ്വസിക്കേണ്ട. തകർന്ന ഹൃദയത്തിൽ നിന്നും ഇറ്റിറ്റു വീഴുന്ന രക്തതുള്ളികളെ സ്നേഹവായ്പ്പോടെ പ്രണയമാം തൂവൽത്തുമ്പിനാൽ ഒപ്പിയെടുത്തു മാസ്മരിക ചിത്രം വരയ്ക്കുന്ന ഈക്കൂട്ടർ അങ്ങനെയാണ്. എപ്പോഴും ചിരിക്കുന്ന ഇവർ നിങ്ങളുടെ കൂട്ടത്തിലും കാണും ആരും കാണാതെ, കണ്ടെത്തപ്പെടുവാൻ ആഗ്രഹിക്കാതെ.

നമ്മുടെ നഷ്ടം മറ്റൊരാളിനു നേട്ടം ആണെങ്കിൽ ആ നഷ്ടകണക്ക് തുലാസ്സിലിട്ടു എത്ര അളന്നാലും ആ നഷ്ടമൊന്നും ഒരു നഷ്ടമല്ലമറിച് സുഖമുള്ള ഒരു നോവാണ്. നാം സ്നേഹിച്ച ഒരാൾ നമ്മിൽനിന്നും അകന്നെങ്കിലും ആ അകൽച്ച അറിയാതെഇന്നും ആദ്യദിനത്തിലെ പോലെ തീവ്രമായി പ്രണയിക്കുന്നഇടനെഞ്ചിന്റെ ഇരുളിൽ തേങ്ങുന്ന ഹൃദയത്തിന്റെ നോവ്.

അതെ ഓരോ കഥയും കവിതയും ഇന്നും അണയാത്ത പ്രണയത്തിന്റെ ബാക്കിപത്രങ്ങളാണ്. പ്രണയം എന്ന സ്വപ്നം മധുരം പൂശിയ മിഥ്യയാണെന്നും ജീവിതം കയ്പേറിയതാണെന്നും സ്വയമങ്ങു പടിപ്പിക്കുമെങ്കിലും ഉള്ളിന്റെയുള്ള് വീണ്ടും ആ സ്വപ്നമെന്ന യാഥാര്‍ത്ഥ്യത്തില്‍ ചിറകടിച്ചുയരാന്‍ കൊതിക്കുന്നു, ഒരു വര്‍ണശലഭമായി !


I wanna believe my life is a movie so that I can meet you again in the next twist in the story !

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Blurred Dreams ! (Malayalam)

 

അവ്യക്ത സ്വപ്നം 

നിനയ്ക്കാത്ത നേരത്തു
നിദ്രതൻ തീരത്തു
ഞാൻക്കണ്ടുണരും
കണ്ണീരിൻ നനവുള്ള നിനവേ​
ഈറൻ നനവിൽ
മങ്ങിയെൻ നയനം
കാണുന്നു നിനവിൽ
ശോഭനിൻ വദനം
I Want you and your memories to die within me with me....

Sunday, October 27, 2013

You broke 'mine' which was yours ! (Malayalam)


 

​നീ തകർത്ത 'എന്റെ നിന്റേതു'

അറിയാതെ ഒന്നുമേ അറിയാതെ
എൻ ഉള്ളിൽ എരിയും കനലെ
പറയാതെ ഞാൻ പറയാതെ
എന്നിൽ ഒഴുകും കണ്ണീരെ
കണ്ടതല്ലേ നാം കണ്ടതല്ലേ
പ്രണയം കണ്ണ്കളിൽ സ്ഫുരണങ്ങളായി
തന്നതല്ലേ നാം തന്നതല്ലേ
പരസ്പരം ഹൃദയം കരങ്ങളിലായി
തകർത്തില്ലേ നിർധാഷണ്യം എന്നെ നീ
ഇമച്ചിമ്മി കെടുത്തിയില്ലേ ഈ പ്രണയത്തീ 
കിതക്കുന്നു സാധു ഞാൻ ഒടുവിലായി
തിക്കുന്ന ഹൃത്തിൻ മിടുപ്പുമായി
Pretending that I've forgotten you ! And yes, forever is a lie !

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Scent of Midnight


പാതിരാവിന്റെ സുഗന്ധം!

നിമിഷങ്ങൾ നിമിഷങ്ങൾ ഒഴുകി മാറി,
നിന്നോർമ്മ മാത്രം മാറിയില്ല!
സുന്ദരി നീയൊരു അപ്സരസോ?
ഏഴഴകുള്ള മാൻകിടാവോ? 

പാരിജാതത്തിന്റെ മണം കവർന്നെത്തുന്ന
പാതിരക്കാറ്റിന്റെ സുഗന്ധമേ നീ
നിശയിൽ വിരിഞ്ഞൊരു നിശാഗന്ധി നീ. 

ഒരിക്കൽക്കൂടി കണ്ടിടുവാൻ ഞാൻ
ഒരുപാടേറെ ആശിച്ചുപ്പോയി.
ഹൃത്തിൽ തീരാവേദന നല്കി നീ,
എവിടെപ്പോയി മറഞ്ഞു എൻ മയൂരമേ? 

അഴലിൻ വിപഞ്ചികമീട്ടി
നിന്നെയും തേടി
അലയുകയാനിന്നു ഞാൻ
അലയുകയാനിന്നു ഞാൻ!
We try to forget the people who we know can never be forgotten, I see your face, hear your voice, feel your aromatic presence where ever I go! But I want my memories about you send so far, far away into the oblivion!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

You are just a dream ! (Malayalam)






നീയൊരു സ്വപ്നം

ഈ നിമിഷാർദ്ര നേരത്തിൽ
ഉരുവിട്ട ചില വാക്കല്ലിതെൻ തോഴി
സാന്ദ്രമാം യാമത്തിൻ
ലഹരിയിലുമല്ലിതെൻ തോഴി

നിൻ ചുണ്ടിൻ ഒരു കോണിൽ
വിരിയും പുഞ്ചിരി നിൻ
ആർദ്ര മിഴികളിൽ
ചെന്നണയും നേരം

നൊമ്പരക്കനലാൽ ഉരുകിയെരിയും
എൻ അകതാരിൽ സ്വാന്ത്വനമഴയായി
കുളിരായി പെയ്തിരങ്ങും
നീയൊരു സുന്ദരനിനവായി! 
From being my dream to nightmare, you just waltzed in with all the grace and waltzed out smooth with all the classy moves just like a poised ballerina.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Killed the nature, so this poem (Malayalam)



പ്രകൃതിയെ കൊന്നൊരു കവിത!
 
നീർത്തൊടി തന്നിൽ നീരാടും നേരം
നീർകുമിള ചങ്ങലകളാലെന്നെയാരോ
നീർപ്പരപ്പിലേക്ക് വലിച്ചുയർത്തിയപ്പോൾ
മുങ്ങി നിവർന്ന് ഞാനെൻ
ശ്വാസനാളത്തിൻ ദാഹമകറ്റുവാൻ നോക്കീടവേ
എൻ മെയ്യിൽ തഴുകും
പായൽപരപ്പ് ഞാൻ കണ്ടില്ലവിടെ
ചാഞ്ഞും ചരിഞ്ഞും ശ്രിംഗരിച്ചീടുന്ന
തേന്മാവിൻ ചില്ലയും ഇല്ലിപ്പോളവിടെ
അപൂപ്പൻ കൽപടവുകളേ നിങ്ങളിന്നെവിടെ?
ജലകന്യകപോൽ സുന്ദരിയാം
താമരപ്പൂവേ നീയും മാഞ്ഞേ പോയോ?
ഏതോ കിനാവിൻക്കോണിൽ നിന്നും
ഉതുർന്നു വീണ നിഴൽപോലെയെൻ
ജീവിതമാം നിമിഷകാവ്യത്തിൻ അർത്ഥങ്ങൾ
എൻ നഷ്ടബോധത്തിൻ ഓർമകളായി.

Monday, September 30, 2013

My little ticking box !


Here I stand with love concealed
Within the chamber firmly sealed
With all your memories finely placed.
Waiting for the tempest, truly wild 
To knock me down from the cliff I stand. 
Clouds came here to see the fall. 
Rains it brought made it grand 
Farewell for this poor soul. 
I looked around for a glimpse of her. 
Like as sailor who looks for shore. 
My time is up and I should go.
I took off from the place I love 
Tried to ascend to the sky above 
Your love pulled me down below 
Here I fly, gliding low 
All alone to the ocean floor.





If it ever panned out well, this could have been an epic love story !

Sunday, September 29, 2013

One little touch !


I felt vanquished even though I didn't battle.
I am mere human who loves an angel.
Who I think is sensational
Not just beautiful but the most desirable.
Oh! Dear heart, I cry out in pain,
For you never heard this insane
Utter the line again and again.


Falling in love rewarded me this pain, but if its you on the other side I can play that game again and again...

Saturday, September 28, 2013

With all the love !





I wanted to walk up to you,
But didn't find you alone,
For you had already chosen,
To whom you belong, it wasn't me.
 
Blood swept through the slash,
Emptied my heart,
But it is still throbbing,
With all the love I have for you.

By the time you find the courage to finally tell her what you feel, dang there it goes...!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Meant the world to me...






You were right next to me,
I didn't say that I adore you!
Now you are gone and I feel the pain.
My heart felt like it was about to explode
With all the love, you will never notice.
Oh! Dear heart, I cry out in pain,
For you will never know this insane
Broke his heart and it would align never again.


There are certain moments you wish you told her, but those wishes didn't quite just come out as words.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

My first time !




I wished to hold you close to me,
I've never done before.

Watch the galaxies that glow in your eyes,
I've never seen before.

Sense your fragrance,
I've never felt before.

Touch your soft lips,
I've never caressed before.

Listen to your soothing whispers,
I've never heard before.

Hold your hands and fly away to distant skies,
I've never flown before.

 It was one such time when you give it all but to the wrong person. Yeah, we almost had it! 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Red Rose




You were a red rose, 
Dancing in breeze, tirelessly. 
I gazed at you, longingly. 
Other faces faded, hastily, 
So did the music, faintly. 
For a moment I believed, it dearly, 
I found my princess, truly. 





I tried expressing it, she didn't just quite get it!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Dreams and Battles



Princess Aliah, stood near the pane worrying ‘why the stars remain hid among the dark clouds? Why the gentle breeze which used to bring scent of the mountain lilies is now bringing foul sense of fear and remorse? Why the trees in the courtyard sway like sparrows nests in the storm, Birds fly as if in great peril, Sound of streams echo as death knelling?’ Our little princess knew some grave danger was approaching the kingdom and her people.  She was horrified at these sights, she lived in a palace yet had nowhere to hide, no one to run to who would secure her from the harm’s way. Beautiful, she stood staring at the night sky reasoning with her own self that there is no way her darkest fears would turn out true.
Her father Skilurus, King of Rysthena remarried soon after her mother passed away and he showed more interest his new queen and children, this disheartened Aliah. She found the emotional tortures and insults unbearable. Even in the midst all the pain she found a reason to stay alive as she believed against all odds that someone would come to save her from her misery.
She wished her mother was alive; she would hold her close, gently kiss her rosy cheeks, she would sing, she would dance, she would tell the most amazing stories, and she would never let her pretty eyes be filled with tears. Mother’s presence alone brings peace and calmness in every child’s mind, Aliah’s memories about her mother calmed her tumultuous mind.
The night got more dark and dreary; the soldiers were vigilantly guarding the gates even in the unnerving cold, suddenly a fleet of dragon drawn chariots filled the sky above the palace, inside the chariots were bloodcurdling monstrous men lead by the dark hooded Prince Gatarch, this hostile cluster destroyed everything that stood on their way, killed plenty and captured many including the king and his compatriots.
Princess, she was sleeping in bliss, completely oblivious of what was happening around her. Sudden explosions woke her up only to realize she was trapped in the ruins of her own palace, she heard quick footsteps closing in on her. The dark creatures surrounded with vengeful eyes to kill her, Aliah was traumatized by all the chaos and was unable to fetch her weapon, and when she thought it was all going to end, suddenly a warrior came out of nowhere with lightning speed to her rescue. He sprinted forward in every direction slashing the enemy with his flaming blade. The grinding of the swords and the shields killed the graveyard silence. As the sparks lighted up the whole place bright, she saw her savior, firm he stood slicing away the enemies’ throats, the spark in his eyes reminded her of Ateas Vermillion, her childhood friend, her first love!
He was the son of Army Chief. Though the King and the Chief shared a deep friendship, he was displeased on hearing about the growing relationship between Ateas and the princess. This strained the relation between both the friends and it led to the banishment of Ateas and his family from the castle. The departing was hard for both of them; the tender love was tattered even before it sprouted out. He loved her dearly, he promised her that she will forever be his love and he will return for her. She never replied to his messages from that moment onwards as she didn’t want to upset or displease her father.
But the love was touching his life in many ways than he knew, he had never let any other person wander in his heart, each moment of his life away from Aliah he learned how to love her more even in her absence. Even though she tried to keep him away from her, each day her maids found new stories of his heroic actions and she was more curious to hear about him than the previous time. But she felt stranded every time her senses reminded her about her father’s anger. She felt that she deserve to be heartbroken until she finds the courage to defy her father’s unreasonably narrow-minded deeds. Millions of thoughts aroused in her mind that instant, she remembered the moments she felt more beautiful each time he looked into her eyes with that childish curiosity and irresistible adoration. She cursed herself for holding the breath, ignoring the truth and walking down the aisle of her life disregarding what the stars in sky, flowers in her garden, and birds of the sky told her about their love. When her heart tended to look back at the beautiful memories of yesterdays, she struggled to forget the warm sunrise and its set, the nights they wandered under the moon among the vineyards, the memories never really left her it always lingered around even in the air she breathed in.
She tried to keep up with him as they rode way past the conquered palace deep into the forest. She assumed that’s where Ateas’ family now lived. His brothers and father bought along the remaining bewildered people of the land. There were soldiers, farmers many men and women even little children gathered there to fight their common enemy and to win back what is rightfully theirs. Ateas and Aliah dismounted from their horses, the people started cheering and shouting their names. She was not surprised to see him rise into such a charismatic hero in the minds of the people. They needed a leader to guide them in the battle and they came to their old chieftain. He told his son Ateas that it is his turn to lead the army to victory and to write his own triumphant story even if that means sacrificing his own life. Ateas promised his father that he will do anything to restore the monarchy and bring back the unquestioned pride of the land.
Ateas climbed on to a higher pedestal and spoke to the people assembled “Sons of Rysthena, the sovereignty of our motherland had been questioned and our people were captured. It’s better to die on the battle field than to see our women and children enslaved by the cruel warlord, now it’s up to you to decide to march on behind our golden crest and slay those creatures of darkness in the caves they hide or hide in the safety of your homes and wait for the enemy to reach out for your life. The Vermilions were thrown out and hated by the king but we keep aside our personal vendetta in the past. My countrymen your brothers are in captivity waiting for us to break down the fortresses and free them, your swords shall not see its sheath until they are freed. If war is what they want our wrath is what they will get.”
Aliah insisted to go to war along with the Ateas, he was thrilled to see her new found courage.
The raging army took the Dark Prince Gatarch and his men by surprise. He tried to use his black magic powers against them but couldn’t succeed as Ateas had his men destroy all their shrines of magic rituals to weaken the dark. The army found their lost courage replenished having the mighty Ateas leading them. They took down the forts by storm killed every enemy soldiers, freed every prisoners. Ateas and the princess followed Gatarch to the roof top. Ateas screamed “Die now beast” as he charged towards and pierced his sword into the Gatarch’s heart, before he fell down dead he casted a spell and an arrow flew in from distance aimed at Aliah’s heart. Ateas heard the weapon passing through the air straight at innocent Aliah, he ran as fast as he could, moved her out of the way for her safety. And just as he turned his head the arrow plunged right through his back and reached his heart, he wasn’t fast enough to save himself! Aliah couldn’t believe what she just witnessed, she ran towards him. Little far from the lifeless body of Gatarch laid our warrior with little life left. She placed his head on her lap as she started nursing his wound and comforting him that he will make it through. He was in so much pain and he knew the end was near he held her hands tight and told her that there is nothing to worry about and he will be among the stars from now on as he looked up at the sky laying there. She bend forward and kissed him “Ateas I never stopped loving you, I won’t be able to even if I ever tried. I was hoping for the day when the sky will get cleared for rainbow of joy and happiness in our life. I waited for so long for what was beside me all this while. I tried forgetting you but you came for my rescue, you always did.”
Ateas whispered to her as he struggled to take out a necklace he had with him “Aalii...It’s scary it’s no longer a déjà vu, I fear it happened to us year before, I had this with me the day I had to leave the palace, I thought I’ll never meet you again but fate had its own way, I can feel life being drained out of me as I speak but not my love for you, I want you to have this, I don’t want to miss the chance twice, I waited thus far I can wait for another eternity, your love is all I need to keep me going. ”
His face turned more radiant as if all stars of the skies shone inside his eyes and his heart stopped bleeding, the moon casted a yellow hue on the surroundings and the shadows of the passing clouds froze for a moment. Aliah felt her life being sucked out of her heart and the whole world being vanished right in front of her eyes. She cried until her throat felt as if it were going to tear apart “Once I had a heart, he was all mine!”
They returned back and the Kingdom of Rysthena was restored, but not Aliah’s heart.
As she stood watching the night sky once the peace was brought back,  she could hear the nature humming its painful tone.

With that heart you once stole
He always healed your tender soul
Embraced your sorrows as his own
Fought many wars for your throne

He was there for you in every downturn
Without asking for anything in return
Risked his life to keep your heart warm
Even when his feet couldn’t be kept firm

He outshone mighty warriors
Brought down forts with thunders
Slew heartless captors
Freed every prisoners

Arrow flew towards your heart
He let it pass right through him
To save you from that vicious dart
And left you alone for the victory hymn

Holding the crown for which you battled
Once that fierce storm got settled
Radiance of evening stars revealed
That you are all alone again castled

He left without leaving any traces
But you kept looking for his gazes
In every similar mazes
Among familiar faces

Lead the journey so intense
Tackled life and all its suspense
He ignored his own desires
Now your dreams are what he aspires.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, her heart felt the warmth again as she saw the brightest star rose right above her.

Death is never the end of anything it’s just the beginning, beginning of something deeply mystic, beautifully strange thing about love! It’s painful to know that some has to die to prove to us their importance in our lives. You may have never told your love yet, but feel it every time you are around that person, each time that lips speak your name. If you love someone dearly don’t wait for the day without a storm to set off sailing in the ocean of love, the strongest of relationships arise out of toughest life experiences. Just take a leap of faith, you have nothing to lose.


I wrote this for a friend, clearly my first story :)